34 months.
Over 400 applications.
19 interviews.
1 new degree.
and finally... A JOB!
Fuck yeah.
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Been Awhile...
I've been away from this blog and some other places online in the last few months. I've been in a real funk lately and I realized, after a few unpublished posts, that maybe it's for the best to avoid putting my thoughts out there for awhile. So I'm easing my way back into these things a little at a time.
Things have really been the same for the last couple of months, and maybe that has something to do with the mindset that I've been in. Life has stalled and things that were expected to have changed in the last few months have become stagnant.
Leilani is still not talking. She's been in speech therapy for seven months now with literally no improvement. On the bright side, everything other than her speech has been blossoming. She's constantly amazing me with every turn. Learning to brush her teeth, put her shoes on, express needs and wants, and even simply snuggling with me and Mike have all been small magical moments that have replaced the words that don't come. Whenever my optimism for speech occasionally fades, I remind myself that she's still a smart, beautiful little girl.
My mantra: Words will come. Words will come. Words will come.
Things have really been the same for the last couple of months, and maybe that has something to do with the mindset that I've been in. Life has stalled and things that were expected to have changed in the last few months have become stagnant.
Leilani is still not talking. She's been in speech therapy for seven months now with literally no improvement. On the bright side, everything other than her speech has been blossoming. She's constantly amazing me with every turn. Learning to brush her teeth, put her shoes on, express needs and wants, and even simply snuggling with me and Mike have all been small magical moments that have replaced the words that don't come. Whenever my optimism for speech occasionally fades, I remind myself that she's still a smart, beautiful little girl.
My mantra: Words will come. Words will come. Words will come.
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Cynicism
People say, "Well, it could be worse." But I like to think, "It could always get better! Stay positive." A couple of my favorite quotes on staying positive and vanquishing cynicism:
"Remember, you cannot be both young and wise. Young people who pretend to be wise to the ways of the world are mostly just cynics. Cynicism masquerades as wisdom, but it is the farthest thing from it. Because cynics don’t learn anything. Because cynicism is a self-imposed blindness, a rejection of the world because we are afraid it will hurt us or disappoint us. Cynics always say no. But saying “yes” begins things. Saying “yes” is how things grow. Saying “yes” leads to knowledge. “Yes” is for young people. So for as long as you have the strength to, say “yes'."
-Stephen Colbert
"All I ask of you is one thing: please don’t be cynical. I hate cynicism — it’s my least favorite quality and it doesn’t lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard, and you’re kind, amazing things will happen."
-Conan O'Brien
"Remember, you cannot be both young and wise. Young people who pretend to be wise to the ways of the world are mostly just cynics. Cynicism masquerades as wisdom, but it is the farthest thing from it. Because cynics don’t learn anything. Because cynicism is a self-imposed blindness, a rejection of the world because we are afraid it will hurt us or disappoint us. Cynics always say no. But saying “yes” begins things. Saying “yes” is how things grow. Saying “yes” leads to knowledge. “Yes” is for young people. So for as long as you have the strength to, say “yes'."
-Stephen Colbert
"All I ask of you is one thing: please don’t be cynical. I hate cynicism — it’s my least favorite quality and it doesn’t lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard, and you’re kind, amazing things will happen."
-Conan O'Brien
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Kinda Happy / Kinda Sad
Back in early January, on my way out of the house to go out to dinner with Mike, I decided to weigh myself. That was an eye opener. My weight was over 190 pounds. My heaviest by far. Even during my pregnancy I peaked at around 178 pounds.
So I started watching what I was eating and pounds started falling off. But after a while, there seemed to be so many excuses for eating like a crazy person. Super Bowl party, Valentine's Day dinner, Easter, and anything else that I could use as an excuse for eating. So I stopped losing weight and began to plateau.
After several months of dieting, then falling back into bad habits, then dieting again I seriously got back into the swing of things in the last two weeks. And I'm happy to say I'm down to around 175. I've lost 15 whole pounds! This has got me pumped for more.
The down side to this... I weight just about as much as I did in my ninth month of pregnancy. That's kinda sad to think about. I can't believe I weigh as much as I did when I had a 7 pound baby in me. I was about 155 before I got pregnant. That's what I want to get back to. But even less. I'm planning on getting down to 145. So I still have a ways to go.
So I started watching what I was eating and pounds started falling off. But after a while, there seemed to be so many excuses for eating like a crazy person. Super Bowl party, Valentine's Day dinner, Easter, and anything else that I could use as an excuse for eating. So I stopped losing weight and began to plateau.
After several months of dieting, then falling back into bad habits, then dieting again I seriously got back into the swing of things in the last two weeks. And I'm happy to say I'm down to around 175. I've lost 15 whole pounds! This has got me pumped for more.
The down side to this... I weight just about as much as I did in my ninth month of pregnancy. That's kinda sad to think about. I can't believe I weigh as much as I did when I had a 7 pound baby in me. I was about 155 before I got pregnant. That's what I want to get back to. But even less. I'm planning on getting down to 145. So I still have a ways to go.
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Words...
For the longest time, I've mentioned that Leilani has three words. Those words being: "Luna" (a term she uses for dogs), "kitty", and sometimes "momma." She has recently started saying "yeah." But unfortunately, "momma" has disappeared. So as soon as I think she may be up to four words... BOOM! One goes away. The same thing happened months ago with the word "Hi." She lost that one too.
On the sign language front, things are progressing. Okay, maybe I shouldn't be so bold as to call it real sign language. It's more like "gestures we taught Leilani." She can do the sign for "more" (which somehow became the sign for "food" instead), she can point to her nose, her toes, make an adorable gesture for "sleepy" (her two hands together on one side of her face), put her finger over her mouth for "shh" and pretend to stick her fingers in her ears for "noisy." I know they sound like toddler parlor tricks, but they mean a lot in reality. Mostly that she's understanding what we're teaching her and that she can learn and absorb information from us, which is vital on the path of learning to communicate and speak. So we're slowly moving along.
Leilani turned 21 months on May 1st! Just typing that is crazy. Aren't I still pregnant with her? It seems like just yesterday I was. I can't believe that the big 2 is right around the corner. Geesh. I'm hoping for 3 new words from her in the next three months. I want her to have at least 6 solid words by her birthday. Cross your fingers!
On the sign language front, things are progressing. Okay, maybe I shouldn't be so bold as to call it real sign language. It's more like "gestures we taught Leilani." She can do the sign for "more" (which somehow became the sign for "food" instead), she can point to her nose, her toes, make an adorable gesture for "sleepy" (her two hands together on one side of her face), put her finger over her mouth for "shh" and pretend to stick her fingers in her ears for "noisy." I know they sound like toddler parlor tricks, but they mean a lot in reality. Mostly that she's understanding what we're teaching her and that she can learn and absorb information from us, which is vital on the path of learning to communicate and speak. So we're slowly moving along.
Leilani turned 21 months on May 1st! Just typing that is crazy. Aren't I still pregnant with her? It seems like just yesterday I was. I can't believe that the big 2 is right around the corner. Geesh. I'm hoping for 3 new words from her in the next three months. I want her to have at least 6 solid words by her birthday. Cross your fingers!
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Happenings
The next few days are packed with lots of things...
I have to go to school tomorrow morning for one last final exam. I am so happy that this era is finally coming to an end and I no longer have to do anything regarding school. No more classes, no more paperwork, no more anything. Of course I've said this all before when I graduated from college the last time. But I think I can finally say... I am done with my formal education.
Monday is also Mike's first softball game. I'm kind of excited for this. He hasn't been in a league for over six years and it's nice that he's gotten back into it. I think we all could use a little fresh air and exercise.
On Tuesday, Leilani's goes back to Gymboree for the first time in over a month. I think these classes are hugely important. I really believe being around other kids her age is good for her and will help with her communication issues. I'm really psyched for Gymboree.
And, of course, more hockey for Mike. Which means more "Me Time" for me! It's nice having a couple of hours every few days when Mike's away and Leilani is napping so that I can do whatever I want! Ahhh...
I am also expecting to have my third and final interview with Aurora Sinai in the next few days. At least this one's just a phone interview! I am really hoping to get this job. If I do, it means a lot of hopes that I've had for this year are going to become reality. (Most of all moving.)
I have to go to school tomorrow morning for one last final exam. I am so happy that this era is finally coming to an end and I no longer have to do anything regarding school. No more classes, no more paperwork, no more anything. Of course I've said this all before when I graduated from college the last time. But I think I can finally say... I am done with my formal education.
Monday is also Mike's first softball game. I'm kind of excited for this. He hasn't been in a league for over six years and it's nice that he's gotten back into it. I think we all could use a little fresh air and exercise.
On Tuesday, Leilani's goes back to Gymboree for the first time in over a month. I think these classes are hugely important. I really believe being around other kids her age is good for her and will help with her communication issues. I'm really psyched for Gymboree.
And, of course, more hockey for Mike. Which means more "Me Time" for me! It's nice having a couple of hours every few days when Mike's away and Leilani is napping so that I can do whatever I want! Ahhh...
I am also expecting to have my third and final interview with Aurora Sinai in the next few days. At least this one's just a phone interview! I am really hoping to get this job. If I do, it means a lot of hopes that I've had for this year are going to become reality. (Most of all moving.)
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Busy Busy.
I have been oh so busy for the last two weeks. So much so that I've barely been online at all. I have been doing my clinical rotation at Froedtert Clinic in Menomonee Falls for 8.5 hours a day and I have had almost no free time. I get up before the sun does, go to work, come home and spend the rest of my day taking care of Leilani. While I'm at work, all I can think about is getting home to spend time with Leilani, but by the time I actually get home, I really just want to relax.
Mike has a hockey game tonight and I think Leilani will be spending a little time playing in her room so I can get at least an hour of "me" time. She won't mind though. I've been working with her all day on her speech, so I bet she could probably use a break too.
And on that topic... there's been no really improvement in her speech. She's picking up more and more hand signs, so at least there's a little progress with communication. I'm still waiting on that light to come on in her head regarding talking. I see other kids that are the same age as her with their 50-100 word vocabularies and I think to myself, "Those parents should have nothing to complain about. My daughter has 3 words. Go fuck yourself." Is that mean and completely off-base? Yes, it is. But it's honestly how I feel sometimes.
I think I'm just going through a mood slump. It may have something to do with the weather. I find that has a huge impact on the way I feel normally. I usually love springtime because it signals the end of cold and dark days and renewed life. But this particular spring has been just miserable. It's still too cold to play outside, still snows occasionally, and there are still no leaves on the trees. It's like winter version 2.0. I need warmth, sun, and outdoors. But it'll come. I hope.
Mike has a hockey game tonight and I think Leilani will be spending a little time playing in her room so I can get at least an hour of "me" time. She won't mind though. I've been working with her all day on her speech, so I bet she could probably use a break too.
And on that topic... there's been no really improvement in her speech. She's picking up more and more hand signs, so at least there's a little progress with communication. I'm still waiting on that light to come on in her head regarding talking. I see other kids that are the same age as her with their 50-100 word vocabularies and I think to myself, "Those parents should have nothing to complain about. My daughter has 3 words. Go fuck yourself." Is that mean and completely off-base? Yes, it is. But it's honestly how I feel sometimes.
I think I'm just going through a mood slump. It may have something to do with the weather. I find that has a huge impact on the way I feel normally. I usually love springtime because it signals the end of cold and dark days and renewed life. But this particular spring has been just miserable. It's still too cold to play outside, still snows occasionally, and there are still no leaves on the trees. It's like winter version 2.0. I need warmth, sun, and outdoors. But it'll come. I hope.
More Royal Tidbits
Queen Elizabeth II was the first British monarch to be out of the country at the moment of succession, and also the first in modern times not to know the exact time of her accession (because George VI had died in his sleep at an unknown time). She was in Kenya when she became Queen.
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Her Majesty's Moon
Queen Elizabeth II sent a message of congratulations to the Apollo 11 astronauts for the first moon landing on July 21st, 1969. The message was micro-filmed and deposited on the moon in a metal container.
I bet the astronauts didn't bother to read it and it actually says, "I hearby claim the moon in the name of England!"
I bet the astronauts didn't bother to read it and it actually says, "I hearby claim the moon in the name of England!"
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Today's "Balmoral Bollocks"
Queen Elizabeth II was the first (and until 2006, the only) female member of the royal family to serve in the armed forces. She served as a mechanic in the Auxiliary Territorial Service during WWII.
"Oh dear. Looks like your insurance isn't going to cover this..."
"Oh dear. Looks like your insurance isn't going to cover this..."
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
My Royal Secret...
I think a lot of people hold interests that they don't really like to share with others for one reason or another. So I don't care what anyone says or thinks about me.... I have always been obsessed with the British monarchy. It may have to do with the fact that I am, in fact, a subject of Her Majesty's realm... I retain citizenship in Canada. Or maybe because of the history and tradition... I love that. Or maybe I just want to be a FREAKIN' PRINCESS! Whatever the reason, I love everything to do with the ol' house of Windsor. I've even seen The Queen more times than I can count (the movie, not HRH.)
So it goes without saying that I'm jazzed for Prince William's upcoming wedding in a month. I have been in my effing GLORY with all the media fodder available to me. Like a pig in slop! Just today there was a Yahoo.com article regarding the royal wave... and I just kept thinking... "above the pearls, below the crown." He he.
I've always wanted to visit England on holiday (there I go with the lingo.) And this would have been THE time to do so. But unless I win the lottery I don't see it happening. Oh well, I guess I'll just have to DVR the whole thing.
So anyway, point of the post is this: the wedding is one month from today and I thought it might be fun, at least for me, to post a little bit about those crazy royals everyday. Trivia, thoughts, etc. So today's Royal tidbit is:
Queen Elizabeth II was made a Honorary Fellow of the Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists in 1951. That's right, she's an honorary OB-GYN. How'd you like to get a pap from Her Royal Highness??? "Oh dear, where did I leave my solid gold speculum?"
So it goes without saying that I'm jazzed for Prince William's upcoming wedding in a month. I have been in my effing GLORY with all the media fodder available to me. Like a pig in slop! Just today there was a Yahoo.com article regarding the royal wave... and I just kept thinking... "above the pearls, below the crown." He he.
I've always wanted to visit England on holiday (there I go with the lingo.) And this would have been THE time to do so. But unless I win the lottery I don't see it happening. Oh well, I guess I'll just have to DVR the whole thing.
So anyway, point of the post is this: the wedding is one month from today and I thought it might be fun, at least for me, to post a little bit about those crazy royals everyday. Trivia, thoughts, etc. So today's Royal tidbit is:
Queen Elizabeth II was made a Honorary Fellow of the Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists in 1951. That's right, she's an honorary OB-GYN. How'd you like to get a pap from Her Royal Highness??? "Oh dear, where did I leave my solid gold speculum?"
Finally...
Just this morning, I finally received an email from my clinicals instructor letting me know that I've been accepted into a clinical. It's about darn time! I'm not trying to get my hopes up, but this might be the first step in moving on with our lives. I'm so excited.
My wish is that after my three week clinical is over, that the hospital might hire me on full-time. That's the scenario that I keep hearing happens to other students who have done their clinical through MATC. I'm hoping that I have the same fortune. But I'm still trying to not get my hopes up too high.
About 210 days ago (give or take), I set forth on a "300 day plan." The goals of the plan were to get back to work, get back on a strong financial footing, and get our own place. But everything needed to happen in that order. I had hoped to get back to work in February, not April. So I'm two months behind on the plan. But I'm still happy things are moving in the right direction, finally.
My wish is that after my three week clinical is over, that the hospital might hire me on full-time. That's the scenario that I keep hearing happens to other students who have done their clinical through MATC. I'm hoping that I have the same fortune. But I'm still trying to not get my hopes up too high.
About 210 days ago (give or take), I set forth on a "300 day plan." The goals of the plan were to get back to work, get back on a strong financial footing, and get our own place. But everything needed to happen in that order. I had hoped to get back to work in February, not April. So I'm two months behind on the plan. But I'm still happy things are moving in the right direction, finally.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Big Step For Little Leilani
There have been some milestones along the path of Leilani's life that have held a lot of significance for me and others that I feel are no big deal. But this step, to me, was huge.
Mike and I have been talking about when Leilani should move from sleeping in her crib to sleeping in a toddler bed. We know that the general idea is to move a child to out of a crib as soon as they outgrow it, they can climb out of it, or generally around age two. But the other night while I was busy working on something, Mike was bored. He disappeared for a while into Leilani's room and I assumed the two of them were just playing. Then Mike walks into our room holding a support piece from Leilani's crib. What?!? Turns out he was halfway done with removing the front of Leilani's crib. So I just went with it.
I was a little perplexed as to how this would work out. Leilani is after all only 19 months old. Is she really ready for this step? I was concerned that she'd just roll out of bed onto the floor in the middle of the night and all hell would break loose. We didn't have a safety rail to stop that from happening, so after we put her down for bed, my eyes and ears were glued to the baby monitor. I couldn't sleep all night. I was waking up every half hour. Thankfully, she managed to stay on the bed all night and in the morning she just got up, crawled out of bed, and started playing with her toys. It was amazing to see.
I immediately went out and bought a safety rail in the morning.
It's been four nights now, and everything has gone smoothly. No night walking, no confusion, no problems at all.
I am so proud of my BIG girl!
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Quiet Time For Lacey
Mike had a hockey game tonight and he surprised me at the last minute by taking Leilani with him. So now I'm home alone for four(!!!) hours in complete peace and quiet. I love Leilani to pieces, but I'm not embarrassed to admit that this tranquility is wonderful.
Aaahhh...
Aaahhh...
Thursday, March 17, 2011
A Small Milestone
With Leilani's communication delays comes other developmental delays that one might not think about. It's hard to teach Leilani to do things that she should be learning because she doesn't understand what we're trying to communicate to her, for example, potty training. But today we saw a nice little milestone that happened completely organically.
She was sitting in her feeding chair in the living room with a plate of cut-up chicken nuggets and her sippy cup (which we gave to her in a futile hope that she may actually use it and not scream for her bottle). I had also accidentally left a fork on the plate. When Mike and I glanced over to her eating a few minutes later, she was mastering that fork and drinking from her sippie like a champ and with no complaint.
This may sound like things that any 19 month old can and should be doing at their age. But teaching Leilani to do these things has been a challenge because she doesn't seem to understand what we're trying to get across to her. She has been reluctant to learn how to use utensils and hates to drink milk from anything but her bottle. So to see this happen all on it's own and without any influence from me or Mike was incredible. This was huge.
She was sitting in her feeding chair in the living room with a plate of cut-up chicken nuggets and her sippy cup (which we gave to her in a futile hope that she may actually use it and not scream for her bottle). I had also accidentally left a fork on the plate. When Mike and I glanced over to her eating a few minutes later, she was mastering that fork and drinking from her sippie like a champ and with no complaint.
This may sound like things that any 19 month old can and should be doing at their age. But teaching Leilani to do these things has been a challenge because she doesn't seem to understand what we're trying to get across to her. She has been reluctant to learn how to use utensils and hates to drink milk from anything but her bottle. So to see this happen all on it's own and without any influence from me or Mike was incredible. This was huge.
Friday, February 18, 2011
One Particular Harbor
I know I don't get there often enough
But God knows I surely try
It's a magic kind of medicine
That no doctor could prescribe
But God knows I surely try
It's a magic kind of medicine
That no doctor could prescribe
I used to rule my world from a pay phone
Ships out on the sea
But now times are rough
And I got too much stuff
Can't explain likes of me
Ships out on the sea
But now times are rough
And I got too much stuff
Can't explain likes of me
But there's this one particular harbor
So far but yet so near
Where I see the days as they fade away
And finally disappear
But now I think about the good times
Down in the Caribbean sunshine
In my younger days I was so bad
Laughin' about all the fun we had
Down in the Caribbean sunshine
In my younger days I was so bad
Laughin' about all the fun we had
I seen enough to feel the world spin
Mixin' different oceans meetin' cousins
Listen to the drummers and the night sounds
Listen to the singers make the world go 'round
Mixin' different oceans meetin' cousins
Listen to the drummers and the night sounds
Listen to the singers make the world go 'round
Ia ora te natura
E mea arofa teie ao nei
Ia ora te natura
E mea arofa teie ao nei
E mea arofa teie ao nei
Ia ora te natura
E mea arofa teie ao nei
Lakes below the mountain
Flow into the sea
Like oils applied to canvas
They permeate through me
Flow into the sea
Like oils applied to canvas
They permeate through me
And there's that one particular harbor
Sheltered from the wind
Where the children play on the shore each day
And all are safe within
Sheltered from the wind
Where the children play on the shore each day
And all are safe within
Most mysterious calling harbor
So far but yet so near
I can see the day when my hair's full gray
And I finally disappear
So far but yet so near
I can see the day when my hair's full gray
And I finally disappear
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Wisco Winters Suck
I'm so obsessed with my hatred of Winter. It's kind of ridiculous. For all of next week, there won't be a single day below freezing! Yay! Milwaukee hasn't had a day above freezing since January 1st. Can you believe that? Not one day ABOVE freezing since Jan. 1st.
Not only are we gonna be above 32°, but it's going to get up into the 40's! I can't wait! All this damn snow is going to melt! I can take Leilani outside again! Hallelujah!
Winter is coming to an end! Not right away, obviously. Especially not in Wisconsin. But it's coming. And this is the first sign.
Not only are we gonna be above 32°, but it's going to get up into the 40's! I can't wait! All this damn snow is going to melt! I can take Leilani outside again! Hallelujah!
Winter is coming to an end! Not right away, obviously. Especially not in Wisconsin. But it's coming. And this is the first sign.
Friday, February 11, 2011
My Own At Home Therapy
Leilani's speech therapy sessions are 1/2 hour long, once a week. So I've started copying the entire session every morning after breakfast. My theory is that if a half hour a week is supposed to help her to talk, then 4 hours a week will definitely help, right?!?
This doesn't mean that I'm not already trying to get her to talk all day. These half hour morning sessions are just more intensive and focused. Her speech therapy and the ultimate goal of talking are my top priorities and what I'm considering my "job."
This doesn't mean that I'm not already trying to get her to talk all day. These half hour morning sessions are just more intensive and focused. Her speech therapy and the ultimate goal of talking are my top priorities and what I'm considering my "job."
Speech Therapy 02.10.11
Yesterday was a good day at speech therapy. Leilani was vocal (although she said no words) and we all got a big surprise when the doctor asked Leilani a question, and Leilani nodded "yes." This is the first time she's really responded to someone talking to her. I know nodding is nowhere close to talking, but it was still a big step in terms of communication. We were all really excited.
It also sounds like Leilani might have a new word: kitty. Sometimes when one of the cats walks past at home, Leilani makes a K sound. "Kit" is really what it is. I think we need to keep an eye on this and help it develop.
That makes two words she's currently saying. "Luna" being the other one. (That's the name of her grandma's dog.) Strange that both words are animals.
I've been keeping track of Leilani's words since she was nine months old. She has started saying some words at times, but then loses them eventually. The only word that's really stuck with her has been "Luna."
She's said: no, hi, uh-oh, Luna, and has babbled mamama and dadada.
I also inquired about about switching therapists due to the recent confusion on our therapist's part. I was told that their waiting lists for all the therapists are really long, and we'd be starting from scratch. (We did have to wait over a month to get in the first time.) So I'm going to table the idea of switching and see how things go with the therapist we're with. She seemed a lot better yesterday too and didn't mix Leilani up with anyone else. I'm hoping that the few incidences of confusion were due to Leilani being a relatively new patient of hers. But if it does start happening again, then something will definitely have to be done.
It also sounds like Leilani might have a new word: kitty. Sometimes when one of the cats walks past at home, Leilani makes a K sound. "Kit" is really what it is. I think we need to keep an eye on this and help it develop.
That makes two words she's currently saying. "Luna" being the other one. (That's the name of her grandma's dog.) Strange that both words are animals.
I've been keeping track of Leilani's words since she was nine months old. She has started saying some words at times, but then loses them eventually. The only word that's really stuck with her has been "Luna."
She's said: no, hi, uh-oh, Luna, and has babbled mamama and dadada.
I also inquired about about switching therapists due to the recent confusion on our therapist's part. I was told that their waiting lists for all the therapists are really long, and we'd be starting from scratch. (We did have to wait over a month to get in the first time.) So I'm going to table the idea of switching and see how things go with the therapist we're with. She seemed a lot better yesterday too and didn't mix Leilani up with anyone else. I'm hoping that the few incidences of confusion were due to Leilani being a relatively new patient of hers. But if it does start happening again, then something will definitely have to be done.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Feeling Some Self Pity
I'm sorry to anyone who reads this and thinks I'm being selfish. But I feel like screaming...
Why does my daughter have to have a speech disorder? Why her? And why our family? I've tried to do everything right since I found out I was pregnant. So why is this happening?
Everyday, I just hope and hope that it'll be the day she finally says a word. Our speech therapist told us to work on P's and B's. So I've been working on "cup" and "ball" a lot lately. But nothing seems to be working.
I want to communicate with my daughter so badly. That's all I've wanted for months now.
Please Leilani, just say something.
Why does my daughter have to have a speech disorder? Why her? And why our family? I've tried to do everything right since I found out I was pregnant. So why is this happening?
Everyday, I just hope and hope that it'll be the day she finally says a word. Our speech therapist told us to work on P's and B's. So I've been working on "cup" and "ball" a lot lately. But nothing seems to be working.
I want to communicate with my daughter so badly. That's all I've wanted for months now.
Please Leilani, just say something.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Expressive Language Disorder And Annoying Doctors
Yesterday, after getting home from Leilani's 18 month check-up, I cleaned out her diaper bag and came across a form given to us at Leilani's speech therapy session last week. Given that we were in the middle of speech therapy with Leilani at the time, I only quickly skimmed it and threw it in the bag. I had forgotten about it for a week and when I came across it yesterday, I read it thoroughly.
According to the sheet, Leilani has an expressive language disorder. DISORDER??? That's a scary word.
What's really starting to get to me (in addition to the word "disorder") are Leilani's doctors. Her regular pediatrician barely spends any time with us when we take Leilani in for her check ups. Yesterday, our appointment started almost 20 minutes late, and when a nurse finally called our name and we went into an exam room, we still had to wait another 5 minutes for her actual doctor, who then spent a total of 10 minutes with Leilani. This doctor is supposedly a really good, so that's why we chose her. Her lack of interest is starting to piss me off. Mike isn't as upset about this as I am and he thinks I just need to relax.
Leilani's speech therapy is another issue. Every week, it seems the doctor forgets who Leilani is. She always references activities Leilani did from the previous session that never happened. It seems she keeps confusing Leilani with her other patients. It gets really annoying. And this diagnosis sheet she handed us a week ago was actually something filled out by the original doctor who evaluated Leilani 2 months ago. None of the info on the sheet was ever explained to us. I had to Google what an expressive language disorder was. Leilani's speech therapy takes place at Children's Hospital of Wisconsin, which is supposedly one of the best hospitals for kids. Something like #4 in the country. They sure aren't living up to that ranking.
What I'm going to have to do is just be more vigilant on my end. I've pretty much let a lot of this ineptitude slide, and that's my fault. I need to go into tiger mother mode.
According to the sheet, Leilani has an expressive language disorder. DISORDER??? That's a scary word.
What's really starting to get to me (in addition to the word "disorder") are Leilani's doctors. Her regular pediatrician barely spends any time with us when we take Leilani in for her check ups. Yesterday, our appointment started almost 20 minutes late, and when a nurse finally called our name and we went into an exam room, we still had to wait another 5 minutes for her actual doctor, who then spent a total of 10 minutes with Leilani. This doctor is supposedly a really good, so that's why we chose her. Her lack of interest is starting to piss me off. Mike isn't as upset about this as I am and he thinks I just need to relax.
Leilani's speech therapy is another issue. Every week, it seems the doctor forgets who Leilani is. She always references activities Leilani did from the previous session that never happened. It seems she keeps confusing Leilani with her other patients. It gets really annoying. And this diagnosis sheet she handed us a week ago was actually something filled out by the original doctor who evaluated Leilani 2 months ago. None of the info on the sheet was ever explained to us. I had to Google what an expressive language disorder was. Leilani's speech therapy takes place at Children's Hospital of Wisconsin, which is supposedly one of the best hospitals for kids. Something like #4 in the country. They sure aren't living up to that ranking.
What I'm going to have to do is just be more vigilant on my end. I've pretty much let a lot of this ineptitude slide, and that's my fault. I need to go into tiger mother mode.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
18 Months
I don't know what to say. There has been no progress with Leilani's speech in the last couple of months. She still doesn't say much of anything. Imagine having an 18-month-old that you can't verbally communicate with. The frustration in the house is almost at a tipping point. Leilani throws tantrums all the time because we don't understand her and she can't do anything else. Mike and I misplace our frustration by getting upset with her. Tonight I cried in the shower because my emotions have been stretched thin and I couldn't stop myself, not to mention the constant worry I feel about Leilani. I've always maintained my belief that Leilani is smart. I see it in her all the time. She can figure things out and solve problems quickly, but she just doesn't want to talk. This has always been my stance. She's normal. But as the months go on and on with zero progress, I can't help but worry that I'm completely incorrect and there's something really wrong with her mentally. I'm so afraid. Everyone keeps telling us that she's just a late talker and it'll happen soon and when it does she won't stop talking. My mom says once Leilani starts talking, she won't stop and I'll wish she would. I don't see that happening. I think when she does start talking, if ever, I'll be so damn grateful I won't want her to stop.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Yesterday
Yesterday was a really fun day. We went to the Mitchell Park Domes with a friend of ours, Caroline, and her 7 year old daughter, Angelles. Leilani loved running around the paths and touching all of the plants and trees. And she especially loved looking at the small waterfall in the "Tropical" dome. And even though Angelles is seven and much older than Leilani, I still think Leilani likes playing with her. Even if it's not really on her level.
Afterwards, everyone wanted to have lunch at McDonald's. Not exactly the best choice for starting a diet. But I went with the flow and just ate light.
I kept track of the calories I consumed yesterday and tallied about 1250. Not too bad! I just have to keep it going and when the weather warms up a bit (like back up into the 20's) I may start jogging in the morning. In the few months after Leilani was born, Mike and I would make a point to go out and be active... walking and biking. And within 7 weeks of giving birth, I had lost all of the baby weight and then some. (It probably helped that I was nursing during those first weeks too.) But we stopped going for walks and bike rides in the Winter when the weather got cold and in the Spring we never picked it up again. I now wish we would have. Maybe I would have been able to maintain that weight. So now it's like I'm starting from scratch.
I'm weighing myself everyday now, too. When I weighed myself the other day and found out I was 190, I did so at night and with jeans on. So the weight on the scale was a little skewed. I'm now weighing myself in the morning and, ahem, I do it almost "nakey." And I've already lost 3.5 pounds!!! He he.
Afterwards, everyone wanted to have lunch at McDonald's. Not exactly the best choice for starting a diet. But I went with the flow and just ate light.
I kept track of the calories I consumed yesterday and tallied about 1250. Not too bad! I just have to keep it going and when the weather warms up a bit (like back up into the 20's) I may start jogging in the morning. In the few months after Leilani was born, Mike and I would make a point to go out and be active... walking and biking. And within 7 weeks of giving birth, I had lost all of the baby weight and then some. (It probably helped that I was nursing during those first weeks too.) But we stopped going for walks and bike rides in the Winter when the weather got cold and in the Spring we never picked it up again. I now wish we would have. Maybe I would have been able to maintain that weight. So now it's like I'm starting from scratch.
I'm weighing myself everyday now, too. When I weighed myself the other day and found out I was 190, I did so at night and with jeans on. So the weight on the scale was a little skewed. I'm now weighing myself in the morning and, ahem, I do it almost "nakey." And I've already lost 3.5 pounds!!! He he.
Friday, January 21, 2011
Wake-Up Call
A dear friend of mine has been nothing short of inspirational in her dedication to weight loss. After reading about her recent milestone, I was curious about how much I weigh in at. I dusted off my scale (which I haven't used in months) and got on. It was a wake-up call.
I weigh 190 pounds. That's more than I weighed when I was 9 months pregnant. By a lot.
In the last 12 months, I've gained over 30 pounds. That's a lot in a year, right? Just thinking about it makes me depressed. I even tried on my maternity jeans today and they didn't fit. I couldn't get them on. Sad.
So I'm going to lose 50 pounds. And I'm serious about it. My parents are coming to visit at the beginning of August, and I plan on being at a better weight.
I weigh 190 pounds. That's more than I weighed when I was 9 months pregnant. By a lot.
In the last 12 months, I've gained over 30 pounds. That's a lot in a year, right? Just thinking about it makes me depressed. I even tried on my maternity jeans today and they didn't fit. I couldn't get them on. Sad.
So I'm going to lose 50 pounds. And I'm serious about it. My parents are coming to visit at the beginning of August, and I plan on being at a better weight.
Speech Therapy Week 2
Leilani had her second session of speech therapy yesterday. Again, she was very happy and friendly with the doctor. But didn't make many sounds. There were a couple of squeaks here and there, but nothing else. In fact, half way through the appointment the doctor asked if she was always this quiet. She normally isn't; she can get very vocal at home, but it's all babble an nonsense. I'd like it if Leilani could start doing that during the next session so the doctor can see and hear it, because so far, Leilani's only made a couple of squeaks in front of her.
I didn't know this before but, speech therapy is just a stranger playing with your kid for half an hour. That's it. At least that's what it is at Children's Hospital. The speech therapist that we see just plays with toys with Leilani on the floor of her office. Sure, she enunciates the name and action of every toy they play with, but that's really it. This is the kind of stuff we do with Leilani at home all the time. Is this typically how it's done? Because if we ever need to start paying out-of-pocket for this therapy, we're going to stop taking her if this is all it is.
I'm interested to see if things get more "therapy-ish" at the next appointment.
I didn't know this before but, speech therapy is just a stranger playing with your kid for half an hour. That's it. At least that's what it is at Children's Hospital. The speech therapist that we see just plays with toys with Leilani on the floor of her office. Sure, she enunciates the name and action of every toy they play with, but that's really it. This is the kind of stuff we do with Leilani at home all the time. Is this typically how it's done? Because if we ever need to start paying out-of-pocket for this therapy, we're going to stop taking her if this is all it is.
I'm interested to see if things get more "therapy-ish" at the next appointment.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Speech Therapy
Today was Leilani's first speech therapy session. Things went about as well as expected-- Leilani was super friendly and outgoing with the doctor but didn't make a peep until it was almost over. And of course, the peep wasn't a word, just a sound. However, she did have a good time. She liked the doctor and all the toys she got to play with. She was very cooperative and on her absolute best behavior. Mike and I were very proud of her.
Leilani is really smart for her age (17 1/2 months). Everyone who meets her mentions something to that effect. She can problem-solve like a two year old, climb, run, invent games, stack, mimic, scribble, and even drive a freaking mini ATV. But she just doesn't talk. Her only words so far have been "na" (for animals), "no" which she's just starting to say and sounds very similar to her "na", and the occasional "mama" (and I don't think she actually means me).
She also doesn't seem to understand me or Mike most of the time either. Some times it seems like she might understand us, but mostly it's like talking to a wall. Needless to say, communicating gets very frustrating around here.
One thing that has been really bugging me lately has been the fact that we recognized this as a problem six months ago and we are only now getting help. When Leilani was 11 months old, we were continually told that she'll start talking at any moment. That it was "just around the corner." I wish we could have done something about this earlier. Unfortunately, no one listened and here we are, Leilani's almost a year and a half old and not saying anything. It clearly isn't just a case of Leilani starting to talk a little late. She has real speech issues. I'm very happy that we're finally getting somewhere.
Leilani is really smart for her age (17 1/2 months). Everyone who meets her mentions something to that effect. She can problem-solve like a two year old, climb, run, invent games, stack, mimic, scribble, and even drive a freaking mini ATV. But she just doesn't talk. Her only words so far have been "na" (for animals), "no" which she's just starting to say and sounds very similar to her "na", and the occasional "mama" (and I don't think she actually means me).
She also doesn't seem to understand me or Mike most of the time either. Some times it seems like she might understand us, but mostly it's like talking to a wall. Needless to say, communicating gets very frustrating around here.
One thing that has been really bugging me lately has been the fact that we recognized this as a problem six months ago and we are only now getting help. When Leilani was 11 months old, we were continually told that she'll start talking at any moment. That it was "just around the corner." I wish we could have done something about this earlier. Unfortunately, no one listened and here we are, Leilani's almost a year and a half old and not saying anything. It clearly isn't just a case of Leilani starting to talk a little late. She has real speech issues. I'm very happy that we're finally getting somewhere.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
11 Days Of Doing Nothing & Ono Kine Grindz
It's been 11 whole days since my last blog post. The reason is simple: I've done nothing interesting in the last week or so. The days of sitting on the sofa and doing nothing have just melted together to form a great big blob of nothingness.
The only highlights of the new year have been discovering a new restaurant, Ono Kine Grindz, packing up Christmas, and... I can't even think of a third thing.
I'm not complaining, the luxury to sit around at home and do nothing isn't something everyone gets to enjoy. So I'm lucky in that regard. But all good things must come to an end. Sometime around the end of this month, or possibly early February, I start my three week Phlebotomy internship and afterwards I will hopefully be working full time. So the two year vacation will be coming to an end very soon. So there are some big things on the horizon.
Anyways, about Ono Kine Grindz: It's a tiny little whole-in-the-wall place on North Avenue in Wauwatosa that is half restaurant and half store. The restaurant, if you can even really call it that, is just a walk-up counter serving a hand full of plate lunch items-- Kalua Pork, Huli-Huli Chicken, Kobe Beef, and "Winner" Chili. (Winner refers to the hot dog in the chili.) They also have Manapua, Spam Musubi, and Pork Hash. They have a large dining table that seats about 8 people in the back. The other half of the business is an awesome array of Hawaiian and Asian grocery products that you can't find anywhere else in the area. Looking through all their items was surreal. Things I haven't seen since I lived in Hawaii over eleven years ago. The only things they were missing were POG and shrimp chips. But no one's perfect.
The business is run by Guy and Kawika, both of whom have lived in Hawaii. They are super friendly and do a wonderful job with the place. It has a very warm and inviting atmosphere due to an obvious passion for what they do. Unfortunately, little places like this spring up all the time, then fail. I really hope that Guy and Kawika are successful and continue to do business for a very long time.
The only highlights of the new year have been discovering a new restaurant, Ono Kine Grindz, packing up Christmas, and... I can't even think of a third thing.
I'm not complaining, the luxury to sit around at home and do nothing isn't something everyone gets to enjoy. So I'm lucky in that regard. But all good things must come to an end. Sometime around the end of this month, or possibly early February, I start my three week Phlebotomy internship and afterwards I will hopefully be working full time. So the two year vacation will be coming to an end very soon. So there are some big things on the horizon.
Anyways, about Ono Kine Grindz: It's a tiny little whole-in-the-wall place on North Avenue in Wauwatosa that is half restaurant and half store. The restaurant, if you can even really call it that, is just a walk-up counter serving a hand full of plate lunch items-- Kalua Pork, Huli-Huli Chicken, Kobe Beef, and "Winner" Chili. (Winner refers to the hot dog in the chili.) They also have Manapua, Spam Musubi, and Pork Hash. They have a large dining table that seats about 8 people in the back. The other half of the business is an awesome array of Hawaiian and Asian grocery products that you can't find anywhere else in the area. Looking through all their items was surreal. Things I haven't seen since I lived in Hawaii over eleven years ago. The only things they were missing were POG and shrimp chips. But no one's perfect.
The business is run by Guy and Kawika, both of whom have lived in Hawaii. They are super friendly and do a wonderful job with the place. It has a very warm and inviting atmosphere due to an obvious passion for what they do. Unfortunately, little places like this spring up all the time, then fail. I really hope that Guy and Kawika are successful and continue to do business for a very long time.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
I Might Be On To Something
Years ago, and as previously mentioned in this blog, I tried to get information on my birth mother. I was met with a brick wall, otherwise known as a Disclosure Veto. However, I may have found another route to the information I'm seeking.
A couple of days ago I was reading up on adoption in Canada when I came across the Adoption Disclosure Register. It's a system that matches up adoptees and birth parents through information submitted. It's kind of like Match.com for adoptions.
There are two ways of going about this:
1. Active search. An adoptee can submit their information (as much as they know) and the registrar will attempt to contact the birth parent. If the birth parent allows, their information will be shared with the adoptee. This is a long process and the queue is even longer.
2. Passive search. Both adoptees and birth parents can always add their information to the registry and if there is a computer match of the information, the parties will be notified. This depends on the birth parent submitting their information to the registry at some point in time. The odds of this working are much slimmer, but it can happen.
As of now, I'm going to attempt a passive search. I'm filling out the application today and mailing it off to Toronto next week. I know the chances of this working are slim, but it's really my last option because of the disclosure veto.
I always think about when I originally looked into my adoption info. Since a disclosure veto can be revoked by the birth parent at any time, I'm always forced to think about crazy "what if" scenarios. Like: What if my birth mother revoked the veto, by coincidence, the day after I had requested information years ago? Since the Canadian government doesn't inform an adoptee if it does get revoked, there would be no way of me knowing unless I regularly reapplied for my adoption papers. That would get pricey at around $60 CAD each time. So this registry stuff is really my best option. All I can do is cross my fingers that my birth mother (or father... because they can do this too) decides that they want to get in contact with me.
A couple of days ago I was reading up on adoption in Canada when I came across the Adoption Disclosure Register. It's a system that matches up adoptees and birth parents through information submitted. It's kind of like Match.com for adoptions.
There are two ways of going about this:
1. Active search. An adoptee can submit their information (as much as they know) and the registrar will attempt to contact the birth parent. If the birth parent allows, their information will be shared with the adoptee. This is a long process and the queue is even longer.
2. Passive search. Both adoptees and birth parents can always add their information to the registry and if there is a computer match of the information, the parties will be notified. This depends on the birth parent submitting their information to the registry at some point in time. The odds of this working are much slimmer, but it can happen.
As of now, I'm going to attempt a passive search. I'm filling out the application today and mailing it off to Toronto next week. I know the chances of this working are slim, but it's really my last option because of the disclosure veto.
I always think about when I originally looked into my adoption info. Since a disclosure veto can be revoked by the birth parent at any time, I'm always forced to think about crazy "what if" scenarios. Like: What if my birth mother revoked the veto, by coincidence, the day after I had requested information years ago? Since the Canadian government doesn't inform an adoptee if it does get revoked, there would be no way of me knowing unless I regularly reapplied for my adoption papers. That would get pricey at around $60 CAD each time. So this registry stuff is really my best option. All I can do is cross my fingers that my birth mother (or father... because they can do this too) decides that they want to get in contact with me.
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